Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
