her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
