is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
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If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
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Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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