ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
