we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize