pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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