This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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