Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
