Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
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What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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