Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
