Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
