You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
