She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
