it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Actions speak louder than pants.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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