i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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