I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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