Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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