My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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