Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
