friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
