I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
