They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
