who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
