I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
