I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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