You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
