dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
