Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
