im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
