I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think I won the penis lottery.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
