I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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