I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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