Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
being pregnant is like rehab
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
