Duck Duck Cougar?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
