ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
