my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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