my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
