he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just puked most of my soul out..
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