I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It was like giving head to a cactus.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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