somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
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his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
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im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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