he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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