sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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