I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
