The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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