Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
