I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
