what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
