Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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