I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
