We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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