ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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