kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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