you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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