How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize