she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
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Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
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You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i now understand why vodka
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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