This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
