Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
