I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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