it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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