How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
