We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
