We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
