They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
