Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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